Amputee Officially Banned From Olympics

Oscar Pistorius, the South African sprinter who runs with the assistance of artificial legs, has been denied an opportunity to compete in Olympic trials. Pistorius had his legs amputated just below the knee shortly after birth, and runs with the assistance of devices called "Cheetah Flex Feet," artificial legs that the International Association of Athletics Federation ruled would be an artificial aid in his sprinting.

See some of Pistorius' work against other Paralympic athletes below, and know that if you're wondering if you can run this fast, the answer is no.



The guy who laughs at the Paralympic fall? Going straight to hell. Do not pass go, don't even think about asking for two hundred dollars. Hard to argue with the point here--if Pistorius were allowed to compete (and he has posted "competitive" times in races in South Africa) his admission would open up a glorious new era of Olympic athleticism: athletes severing limbs to install spring-loaded legs for the pole vault and long jump, grafting steel to their bones to ensure first punch knockouts in boxing, and finally getting an opportunity to implant a third lung for those particularly grueling triathlons.

On second thought, here...maybe Americans would actually watch the Olympics if this happened. After all, baseball enjoyed a boom in its popularity after steroids were de facto legalized in the sport. Cyborg athletes would just be the next logical step, no? Barry Bonds already practically qualifies as one, and he's about to be a national hero, pesky Federal drug laws be damned.