Olympics International Football

The Melbourne Demons turn 150 years old this year, and they're celebrating by being the absolute worst team in the Australian Football League. They lost their first two games by an average of 99.5 points, and going into this weekend's match with the defending champion Geelong Cats, Demons coach Dean Bailey had one goal for his team -- being competitive. Clearly, he believed that if he said it enough times, he would make it true.

He almost did, actually. Geelong defeated Melbourne by only 30 points. Maybe for his next press conference, Bailey should say "Win" 27 times.

(H/T: Jeff Wortman of The Footy Wrap)

"I am annoyed about the constant and substantial excesses which have blighted sport for years - particularly in football,"

"If the wealthiest German football club buys a Brazilian teenager for 14 million euros and gives him an income which most family men can not gain after years of hard work, something is wrong."
(Source: AFP)

These were the words of Norbert Lammert, the leader of Germany's parliament and possibly the most powerful Norbert in recorded history. It seems that Lammert has finally realized that professional soccer players gracing the larger European leagues get paid ungodly sums of money. In other news, beer is still delicious and footbal=popular. While we at Das FanHaus applaud Norbert for his populist approach to sports entertainment, we can't help but think there's an unsettling trend going on in Das LawHaus.

At first glance, the commissars are deriding the Bundesliga giants like Bayern Munich for their exorbinant salaries that dwarf the common workingmensch. Upon closer inspection, however, they are just as guilty themselves. According to research at DW-World.de, the average German worker takes home about 28k a year. Meanwhile, the basic pay for a member of parliament is about 72k a year. Sure, those Brazilian youngsters booting the ball around make many times over what either example takes in yearly salary, but maybe the lawmakers should start setting the examples with their own paychecks. Thoughts about limiting the German transfer budgets or increasing footballers income taxes are probably not the best way to attack the problem. We're guessing average Joe Berliner doesn't care how much one-named Brazilians are earning as long as their favorite club refrains from sucking.

(HT: The Offside)

A wonderful secret finally came to light today thanks to the latest British Medical Journal. Australian Rules footballers will drink anything. That's the hypothesis today as it was revealed that a 24-year-old Adelaide man (not pictured) swallowed a beer cap in celebration of his teams amateur victory in the footballing sport of the debtor's prison. Upon drinking the spoils of war from the local league cup, the man boldly swallowed a West End bottle cap, temporarily blocking his esophagus before becoming lodged in his chest.

For more information on the premium lager of Australia and New Zealand, we consulted the brewery website, Lion-Nathan.com. According to the official fact sheet, West End Draught is "A favourite with generations of South Australians this well-balanced lager with a clean hop bitterness is an outstanding example of an Australian draught lager." It was first brewed in 1859 and is 4.5% alcohol by volume.

The young man was recorded as having a .11 BAL when doctors removed the cap via endoscopy. According to Das FanHaus' handy dandy BAL calculator, this equates to roughly 10 beers in 5 hours or a more likely 6.5 beers in 1 hour. Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oy! Oy! Oy!

Das FanHaus would like to remind everyone to celebrate this holiday season by drinking responsibly, even down under.

(HT: News.com.au)

The FA confirmed today that former Real Madrid manager Fabio Capello would replace Steve McClaren as coach of the English national team. Capello is faced with the daunting challenge of winning England's first World Cup in over 40 years.

The new manager's problems are multiple, with the state of English football considered in peril by most. Unable to qualify for the upcoming Euro 2008 Championships, the home of world famous Premiership must undergo a thorough housecleaning before it can focus on developing national talent. Capello brings with him the knowledge of working in the brightest of spotlights and the highest of expectations, both qualities absolutely necessary for his new position.

(HT: Guardian Unlimited)

After a brief hiatus for turkey, leftover turkey, and reheated toilet humor, we checked back in on our favorite Canadian Football League to see what's been shaking up north in preparation for Sunday's title clash between Winnipeg and Saskatchewan. The Toronto Star gives us the latest and greatest update on the festivities: 'Wimpy' Calgarians cancel sidewalk pancakes. Showing how little I paid attention in Canadian History as a young lad, apparently, this is kind of a big deal.

Nearly 60 years ago, Calgary Stampeders fans cooked pancakes in front of Toronto's Union Station from batter they brought with them on the train. One fan rode a horse through the lobby of the Royal York Hotel opposite. They were wild, those Calgarians. They were tough. They showed Toronto how to party and Calgary continues to sponsor breakfasts wherever the Grey Cup is held.

What kind of world is this when a little bit of snow cancels such activity that could only be classified as "rootin'" and or "tootin'?" This is Calgary we're talking about here! They're like the Texas of Canada, and there's a possibility that these Royal Canadian Mounted Pancakerers are surrendering on account of some snow? This I would suspect of the Quebecois, being the wine drinkers and pea soup eaters that they are, but dang it, I've been told that it's not the Grey Cup until a Calgarian rides a horse indoors somewhere in Toronto.

The sidewalk sale of pancaking is supposed to signal the beginning of Canadian Winter, but this year, schoolchildren across the land will just have to do with penguin reenactments of the French and Indian War and other completely unfair Canadian stereotypes.